


Give Me Your Number

by graayyyce



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Baseball, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Exy (All For The Game), Canon-Typical Violence, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-01-15 00:48:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18487864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/graayyyce/pseuds/graayyyce
Summary: Moriyamas who? Mafia who? Hello high school angst and love!Palmetto High School has never had a great baseball team… But when David Wymack decides to take the team to the next level, it gets people’s attentions. Specifically, Nathan Wesninski’s attention. Nathan has big dreams for his son, but Neil only wants to chill out and not grow up too fast. When he transfers Neil to PHS, Neil encounters a ragtag team of nobodies trying to get through high school and make it past the play-offs. Neil will realize maybe he belongs with these misfits more than he thought he did. He’ll find new friends and maybe even fall in love.Or, the baseball fic nobody asked for… especially Neil.





	1. Chapter 1

There were a few reasons why Neil Josten did not want to go to Palmetto High School. 1. The school was known around the state as a complete joke for sports, 2. He was entering in as a junior when he was supposed to be a sophomore. “Do you want to get somewhere in your career before you’re forty and your body craps out on you or you get some girl pregnant?” His father asked him. Neil didn’t really respond, just shrugged and went along with it. 3. Changing schools in the middle of the year just sounded shitty anyway. But he didn’t have a choice. On the morning of his first day, his dad dropped him off on the corner and sped off after reminding him for the eighth time, “Baseball practice is at 4. Don’t be late. Go to the locker room as soon as the final bell rings. And goddamnit Neil, remember to fucking try.” Good pep talk, way to go Dad.

Neil didn’t have to be reminded about baseball practice. It was all his father had been talking about since his transfer had gone through. Before PHS, Neil was homeschooled and played with traveling and club teams. But his father was starting to think the really good teams were overlooking Neil because of his age. He thought he’d have better luck getting scouts’ attention on a high school team with less competition.

Neil approached the back doors of the school, near the gym. It’s orange and white fox paw logo was displayed on a flag hanging from the side of the building. Someone had tagged it with a word that had been partially scrubbed off. Palmetto High School was one of the smallest school’s in the county, boasting around 1,000 students. It was neither known for sports or arts, but for its optimism. Because of the neighborhood the school was located in, the students it attracted were more or less troubled. The principle had an unrelenting hope and positivity that turned the school into a “way for homeless kids to find homes and addicts to find peace blah blah blah” and all of that shit no one believed. The school bussed in the privileged kids from a town over to bring in some “good influences.” But really, it just created more division among the students.

Neil started school at PHS on the first day of second semester. The last time he was in real school it hadn’t gone so well. Since then, he had had very little interactions with kids his own age off the baseball field. When he entered the hallways of Palmetto High School he was sure every person he passed would look at him and make judgements. But, they didn’t. No one really noticed him. They were all preoccupied getting books out of lockers or filling in their friends on the latest gossip. The school was definitely run down and in need of some updating. The floor tiles were scuffed and stained. The walls decorated with old orange and white Fox banners had been ripped and vandalized over the years. The weirdest thing was the sticky notes. Walls and lockers were covered in orange sticky notes. Neil glanced at a few and realized they had encouraging quotes on them. Things like, “Be kind today!” and “Never give up on your dreams!” and “You can’t realize the light of the sun without a few cloudy days!” Neil didn’t think these quotes were really going to make a difference to a bunch of high school kids.

Across the hall, another kid had the same idea. He was short, shorter than Neil which was a surprise. His white blonde hair made him stick out against the gaudy orange lockers. He was pulling every single sticky note off the wall with a vengeance as if they’d personally attacked him. He ripped each one in half and threw it over his shoulder. But his face held an apathetic expression that didn’t make sense. After a second, he noticed Neil staring. Before Neil could look away, embarrassed, the blank-faced kid cocked his head to the side and raised an eyebrow. It was a loaded look. But the kid’s face stayed emotionless. So Neil just shrugged and turned away, heading towards the direction of his first class. He didn’t think about the sticky notes or the shorter boy for the rest of the morning.

Neil’s first class was pre-calculus. Once he found his locker, he shoved his gym bag inside and turned towards the math hall. He found the classroom a few minutes before class started. There was nothing better to do than just find a seat and wait. He walked in and sat down towards the back without acknowledging the middle aged teacher who sat at his desk, fiddling with his phone. Neil took out his notebook and started doodling to pass the time before class was supposed to begin. A few minutes went by and some students started to file into the classroom. A tall boy with gelled spikes of hair walked in right as the bell rang.  
“Late again, Boyd?” Asked the teacher, unimpressed and still looking at his phone.

“What? I totally beat the bell!” Said the kid named Boyd.

“Whatever, just sit down.” The teacher waved him off without glancing up.

Boyd rolled his eyes and went to look for a seat. He sat down in the empty desk behind Neil. When everyone had settled into their seats, the teacher finally put his phone down and began writing on the board. As far as math teachers go, this guy did not seem too happy about doing math this early in the morning. A few minutes into the lesson, Boyd tapped Neil on the shoulder. At first Neil thought he might’ve imagined but then he heard, “Hey, dude,” whispered from behind him. Neil turned to look at Boyd. His face was the most welcoming thing he’d seen all day. Why he was talking to Neil, he couldn’t guess.

“Hey, dude. You got an extra pencil?”

“Uhh, sure.” Neil said, dumbly. He fiddled around in backpack until he found a pencil. He handed it to Boyd who seemed too grateful.

“Thanks, dude!” And after a second, “Wait, I’ve never seen you in this class before… did you switch teachers? Why would you do that? Mr. Ross is actually the worst.”

“Oh, uh, no. I’m new, actually. Today’s my first day.” Neil replied.

“Really? You came to Palmetto? From where?” Boyd asked.

“Nowhere, really. I was homeschooled.”

“Oh cool! I always wanted to be homeschooled so I could do school in my pajamas. Why’d you come here when you had that sweet deal?”

“Well, I didn’t really do school in my pajamas for one thing. And for another, you can’t join school teams if you don’t go to the school.” Neil stated.

“What do you play?” Boyd asked excitedly. How he could be so energetic this early, Neil didn’t know.

“Baseball.” Neil said flatly.

“Wait, really? Me too! You must be the new kid Wymack was telling us about. N-Nick? Nathan-?” He asked trying to remember.

David Wymack was hired as the new baseball coach and part time gym teacher two falls ago when the school was at an all time low. Wymack holding a small celebrity status as a former minor league player was supposed to attract more kids to the school and more kids to baseball, which seemed to be a dying sport at PHS. Neil’s dad heard about this through the grapevine of his buddies from the old days… back when he was happy and his future had promise (which may or may not be a direct quote from Nathan himself). Nathan called Wymack up and bragged about Neil’s amateur baseball career, determined to guarantee Neil a spot on the team and on the field. “With all of that money I spend on your training, there’s no way you’re sitting on the bench.” In the end, it didn’t matter how high Nathan spoke of his son. Wymack was desperate. After his first year as coach, only eight players came back to the team. He needed nine to play. Neil just happened to be lucky number nine. But his jersey number was ten… not that that mattered.

Neil replied a little too loudly, “Neil. My name’s Neil.”

Mr. Ross heard Neil and finally noticed they weren’t paying attention, “Would you two in the back at least pretend to pay attention?”

“Oh, sorry!” Boyd gave Mr. Ross an apologetic smile. He turned back to Neil, “My name’s Matt. Matthew Boyd if you want to be formal. I play-”

“Third base.” Neil finished for him.

Matt raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, how’d you know?”

Neil shrugged, “Wymack gave my dad the list of players and filled positions. Good thing you needed a shortstop. I can do whatever you need me to, but I prefer shortstop.”

Wymack and Nathan were old friends. Wymack played for the minor league team Neil’s dad was signed to back in the old days, the Sidewinders. But Nathan never actually played a game. Neil’s mom found out she was pregnant a few weeks into Nathan’s training. Becoming a parent right out of high school was not a part of Nathan’s life plan to get to the major leagues. It got even worse when there was a complication with the birth and only one survived. And that was Neil. Not only was Nathan now a parent, but a single parent too.

Does Neil feel guilty about all of this? Well, it’s hard not too. But some days he’s more mad about his dad’s bitterness than anything else. He was a baby… he didn’t decide to be born. Sometimes he dreams that he’s not actually biologically Nathan’s kid. That his mom had an affair and died before she could tell him the truth. Then Nathan couldn’t blame him anymore. Then he could hand Neil off to whoever he really belonged to. That’s the thing - Neil has never really belonged. Especially not in his own house. Nathan didn’t even give him his own name. Josten was his mother’s last name. Neil never got around to asking Nathan why he didn’t label him a “Wesninski.” Maybe Nathan is too mad at Neil for everything, or maybe he was just trying to keep Mary alive and with him in some way. Neil has never seen his father in love, sometimes he’s not sure he was capable of it. Some days he wonders if his mother was really a real person. Most of the time, though, he didn’t think about it. Instead, he ran and practiced the only thing he’s ever really known: baseball. The only thing that makes his father smile, even if it is a cold and empty one.

“Yeah, Aaron was a little pissed about being moved to the outfield but don’t worry. He doesn’t care enough to actually hold grudges.”

“He’s one of the twins?” Neil remembered the players with the same last names - catcher and centerfield.

“Yeah. He’s the normal one.” Matt said.

Neil didn’t know what he meant, “There’s one that isn’t normal?”

Matt looked at him, disbelieving, “You don’t know about Andrew?”

There was a bang from the front of the classroom. Mr. Ross had dropped a textbook on the floor to get their attention, “Mr. Boyd, if you don’t stop talking I’ll-”

“I’m sorry, Ross-man. I promise. Last time today…” Matt smiled at Neil and mouthed Later before finally turning his attention to the lesson.

“Oh, if only I believed you,” Mr. Ross whined before going back to the whiteboard.

Neil couldn’t stop thinking about what Matt had said. He racked his brain trying to remember the stats Wymack had given his dad. He could picture the file in his head:  
_Minyard, Andrew. Junior. 16 years old. 5’0”. Position: Catcher. Notes: Reckless, has a record, anger issues, impulsive, apathetic, lost cause?_

The last two words lost cause had been drawn in red and underlined. The question mark was bold as if someone had traced it over and over. Neil saw thd picture taped to the top of the page. White-blonde hair. A blank face. He remembered the kid in the hallway. For some reason he’d looked familiar. Now he knew why. Neil couldn’t stop thinking about what Matt had said.

_He’s the normal one._  
_You don’t know about Andrew?_  
_Andrew, what about him?_


	2. Chapter 2

After precalculus ended, Matt walked with Neil to the Foreign Language hall. Matt had Chemistry next which was near where Neil had to go for Spanish. But Neil also had the idea that Matt didn’t really care too much about being on time to class, as he’d witnessed his barely-on-time arrival first period. As they walked to the other side of the school, Matt would wave at other students here and there. To Neil, Matt seemed incredibly popular. A few of them asked, “Who’s your friend?” And Matt would hastily answer, “Neil. He’s new.” Before they would be separated by the crowds of students crossing the halls to get to class.

As they walked Matt rattled on about the team and how practices had been going. They’d only had two weeks since try-outs, which only a few people had shown up to Matt had said. So Neil hadn’t missed much. Matt didn’t mention Andrew or his twin again, having forgotten their previous conversation. Neil listened and scanned the hallway while they walked. He didn’t know what he was expecting to find in the sea of students.

Matt dropped him off at his classroom with only a minute for him to get to his own class. He waved goodbye to Neil and sped off towards the Science hall. Neil wondered if he’d see Matt again until that afternoon at practice. He silently hoped they might have the same lunch. Neil didn’t really remember what real school lunchrooms felt like, but he could imagine what it would feel like to sit alone.

Neil tried to pay more attention in Spanish than he had in Pre-Cal. The teacher, a woman named Señora Florio, had actually noticed his presence. She gave him a few packets of make up work for him to do to get back on track with the rest of the class and introduced him as “a new addition to the class.” None of the students were paying attention… except a dark skinned boy in the back dressed fashionably with a big smile on his face. He looked at him with something Neil had never seen before. He went to take his seat and the boy stood up.

“This seat isn’t taken,” the boy gestured to the seat next to him. Neil was wary of this boy who looked too nice and too welcoming compared to the other students he’d encountered all day. But he couldn’t really sit anywhere else unless he wanted to look like a total jerk. He didn’t want to get on the bad side of his classmates on his first day so he pushed aside all the red flags popping up in his head and took the empty seat.

The boy reached out his hand enthusiastically and introduced himself, “Nicky. Nicky Hemmick.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m Neil.” Neil shook Nicky’s hand lightly and turned his focus towards his notebook, hoping Nicky got the message that he didn’t really want to talk.

“Duh, I know your name. Florio just introduced you… and I happen to know you’re the new starting shortstop on the Foxes baseball team.” Nicky said. He was writing and talking at the same time. His energy was even more exuberant than Matt’s had been first thing in the morning. Neil wondered how he knew that he’d come to play baseball… and then it hit him:  _Hemmick, Nicky. Junior. 18 years old. Position: Second baseman. Notes: Problem parents, lots of enthusiasm, not much experience._

He visualized Nicky’s file from the list of the Foxes’ starting lineup Wymack had given him. Nicky was on 2nd base most of the time, which meant Neil definitely didn’t want to make a bad impression. Neil wondered what Wymack had meant by “problem parents.” Neil remembered it had been circled in red and then crossed out, but not enough so that Neil couldn’t read it. Despite his curiosity, Neil decided it better to just not bring it up at all. He definitely didn’t want the roles to be reversed and Nicky prying into his private life and relationship with his parents, or parent. That would not be a fun conversation.

They didn’t talk much for the rest of the class except when Neil asked a few questions about verbs and conjugation. He got the feeling that Nicky didn’t really need to be in a Spanish 2 class. He was practically fluent and barely blinked an eye at the pages of homework passed out at the end of class. Neil liked languages, but learning them when you’re homeschooled isn’t easy. His head was pounding already at the sight of all the work he had to do for just one class. Nicky glanced at him and easily read the dread in Neil’s face.

“Hey if you want any help on this, I’m your man. This is the second time I’ve taken this class - don’t ask- but I’d be glad to help. Especially with all that makeup stuff she gave you. I’ve already done most of it and it’s not really fair to put it all on you - this transition is probably hard enough, I imagine.” As he finished, the bell rang. Nicky grabbed his stuff and waved at Neil with a big smile as he headed to his next class, “See you at practice, Neil!”

Neil felt at a loss for words. He really couldn’t figure Nicky out. He seemed too nice and too good for any normal person to be. Especially for a person with “problem parents” and for someone who had apparently had to retake a class he definitely didn’t need. It didn’t add up. It didn’t make sense.

The rest of Neil’s morning classes blew by without any more interactions with his new teammates. Oddly enough, he made it all the way to lunch without embarrassing himself. That was definitely a relief. Most of the other students completely ignored him, and if they did notice him they’d give him a quick onceover and then continue with their work after they’d deemed him normal enough to tolerate. He walked the halls and wondered why no one was getting shoved in a locker or a trash can. He started to realize that real American public high schools were not as treacherous as they were made out to be on TV. Everyone went about their day because they had to be there, nothing more and nothing less.

After a few hours, he started to get the layout of the school and didn’t have to check the folded up map he had printed off that morning anymore. He scanned the crowds of students out of curiosity. There were a few groups of students that moved together in packs, but they weren’t distinguished by any type of look or label. He picked them out and decided what they were to him. The group of girls that kept looking over at him and giggling. The kids that were so preoccupied with their phones that they almost ran into him. The rowdy boys that pushed each other around jokingly who he did not want to be friends with. Then there were the quiet kids who, like him, kept their heads down and minded their own business as they walked to class. Neil liked those kids the most. They looked the most like him. He could empathize with them without even knowing their names or where they were going. That felt nice. Before today, Neil hadn’t been around too many kids his age. Except for in his teams and at training camps. Those were all baseball kids who lived and breathed the great American pastime. They weren’t really people to Neil. Just positions. Pitcher, first baseman, catcher, outfielder… that’s all he thought when he saw them. He knew their last names because they were printed on the back of their jerseys and yelled at them by the coaches when they made a mistake. Neil knew where all of those kids hoped to go - the Majors. But he still didn’t feel like he could relate to those kids as much as he related to the ones walking in this high school hallway with their heads down, minding their own business, just trying to get through the day.

Lunch came around and Neil was really hoping to spot Nicky or Matt sitting at one of the crowded tables. He stood stupidly against the wall with his tray of food for a few minutes, scanning the room. After too much time had gone by, he started to feel stupid. He could feel eyes on him and he could imagine what all of the kids were thinking. This pathetic new kid, can’t even find a seat. Poor him, I hope he doesn’t try to sit with me… Neil didn’t want them thinking that at all. He started to feel a little trapped in the lunchroom so he threw away his food and went the only place he could think of to make him feel like less of a stranger in this place.

The Foxes baseball field was run down. Like the rest of the school, it was tagged with graffiti that someone attempted to scrub off. The turf was more yellow than green and the bases had been worn down by weather and cleats. The Home dugout was littered with Gatorade bottles, cigarette butts, and empty Dorito bags. Neil kicked at the dusty concrete floor with his tennis shoes. The smell of the grass and dirt and chalk felt like home. The gate to the dugout had been locked when he got there, but the fence was easy enough to climb. He sat for a few minutes, steadying himself, before walking out to the field. A Fox flag was hung from the fence precariously, looking like it could fall any second.

Neil walked to homebase. He crouched and looked up towards the pitcher’s mound. This is what Andrew Minyard saw, except he also saw Kevin Day. The thought of Kevin sent another jolt of anxiety through Neil. He stood and waved it off, focusing on the field and his feet on the ground. He ran from home to first and stopped. He looked around, taking in the view of the field from this new perspective. Then, he ran to second and then to third and then back home. He didn’t stop, he just kept running the length of the diamond. He couldn’t outrun high school or eating lunch alone or his father and his expectations, but maybe he could outrun the anxiety bubbling inside of him. Maybe he could outrun the thoughts and feelings and fears pounding in his head. Maybe he could just be  _Neil_  for a second.  _Josten, Neil. Junior. 15 years old. Position: Shortstop. Notes: dead mother, bitter father, and who knows what else…_

He stopped in between second and third, shortstop territory. He braced himself against his knees, trying to catch his breath. He didn’t count how many laps he’d run, but he was panting now and wishing he hadn’t thrown out his water bottle with the rest of his lunch.

When he stood up, Neil realized he wasn’t alone. He’d been caught. Outside the fence beside the home dugout, stood a short blonde haired kid. There was a cigarette dangling from his mouth and his hands were shoved in his pockets. He was watching Neil. He looked like he had been standing there for a while. His face was blank. He looked neither amused nor impressed. Neil was secretly hoping for the latter.

Andrew Minyard looked pretty normal to him. Neil expected him to speak, to address Neil and the fact that he’d broken into the baseball field in the middle of the day. But he just stood there, silently smoking his cigarette. His look of apathy was confusing. Neil wondered if he should say something, but Andrew didn’t look like he was here to have a friendly conversation.

Andrew fixed a dead faced stare on Neil. After a second, Neil realized he was staring back. They were stuck that way for only a few seconds, but to Neil it felt like an hour passed at least. Andrew’s eyes weren’t looking for anything in Neil. They were focused and unassuming. Neil couldn’t look away. 

At some point it started to feel like a competition, a battle that Neil really wanted to win. Maybe this was the way for him to figure out all of Andrew’s secrets. Maybe he could find something in his eyes. But Neil didn’t even get the chance. He was caught off guard by the bell ringing from across the parking lot at the main building of the high school. First period lunch was over. Neil was going to be late to his first afternoon class. He looked over at the school, dreading his return to the normal life he had to start living. Then, down at his watch to confirm the time. When he glanced back up toward Andrew’s direction, he was still staring at Neil. Neil had already given up on their staring contest, but he felt like leaving would be the ultimate defeat. He settled on giving Andrew a bold look that he hoped said  _You win this round, but I’ll be back_. And turned toward the fence across from third base. He scaled it easily, dropping down on the other side without injury.

As he walked back to the school, he resisted the urge to look back at Andrew again. If running bases didn’t impress him, maybe jumping a ten foot high fence would. Neil racked his brain for the reason to why he wanted to impress this kid so badly. Other than Andrew’s obvious posture that looked like he was asking for a fight, Neil couldn’t figure it out. He decided he didn’t have to and pushed the image of Andrew standing there, cigarette dangling from his mouth and face empty of emotion, out of his head.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maybe in the next chapter Andrew and Neil will talk to each other...


	3. Chapter 3

After his last afternoon class, Neil changed out in the bathroom closest to his locker. He was quick and efficient, he had done this a thousand times. The cramped stall was the only thing inhibiting his process. Still, he’d rather a cramped stall than a rowdy locker room. When he had dressed fully for practice, everything except for his cleats which he carried to the field, he headed first to Coach David Wymack’s office.

Wymack’s office was located in a cluster of offices behind the weight room. His name was etched on a plaque outside the door with a tiny orange fox paw next to it. Neil knocked on the door lightly and pushed open the door. The office was cluttered, but sparse. It held only a desk, a single filing cabinet, and a small bookcase. The bookcase was adorned with pictures of Wymack and his teammates from the minor leagues, a few signed balls, and two extremely expensive looking mitts. Wymack was sitting at his desk trying to make sense of a complicated schedule. The paper was only one in the midst of hundreds of others spread out over Wymack’s desk. He looked up at Neil as he poked his head inside.

“Kevin, if you’re going to ask about-” He started before realizing it was Neil at the door, “Sorry. I thought you- never mind. You must be Neil. I’ve heard an awful lot about you from your father.” Wymack didn’t move to stand or shake Neil’s hand. He leaned back in his seat and tried not to size Neil up.

“Uh, yeah, “ Neil replied dumbly. “I just came to see if there’s somewhere I can put my gear.” He gestured to his gym bag slung over his shoulder.

“We have a section of the basketball team’s lockers next to the gym. I can show you.” As he stood up, someone appeared behind Neil’s shoulder, “Good timing, Dan. You can show our new recruit to his locker.” Wymack tossed the keys to the girl now standing next to Neil. She caught them easily and looked at Neil, who it seemed she’d just now noticed. She looked like the kind of girl that you wouldn’t think of as a high school student if you passed her on the street. Neil thought she had a kind of “rough around the edges” vibe. He liked it. But then she introduced herself.

“Hi, nice to meet you. I’m Dan Wilds.” She held out her hand to him, Neil ignored it.

“You’re team captain.” He stated.

“Yep, that’s me.” She replied proudly.

“You’re the reason barely half the team rejoined from last year.” Neil continued.

“What the fuck-” She started.

Wymack interrupted, “Hey, hey. It’s okay, Dan. That’s what they’re putting in the papers, it makes sense for Neil to make that assumption. Even if it isn’t true.”

“I mean, if anyone’s responsible for half the team bailing it’s Kevin.” Dan retorted.

Neil’s gut clenched at the sound of Kevin’s name. Wymack interjected, “Hey. We are not pointing fingers. Who cares about those half assed kids anyway? They were never team players. And look at who we have now, Neil Josten. You’ve played club since you were a kid, right?”

“More like since I could walk and hold a bat.”

Wymack started again with a voice that sounded like it was meant for talking to four year olds and journalists, “Neil. It seems like from an outsiders point of view that making Dan captain might have caused a little upset among the rest of the team, but I assure you she’s the best we’ve got at leading this team. And if you’re going to have a place on it, you’re going to have to trust me on that. Got it?”

Neil nodded, “Got it.”

“Good. Now, Dan please show Neil to his locker and get your asses on the field in ten.” 

Neil turned to go, but Dan stopped short, “Coach, what about Andrew? I mean, how is he gonna…” She trailed off. Neil tried to act like he wasn’t listening.

“I’ve already talked to him about it.” Wymack said, clearly not seeing the intensity of the situation displayed on Dan’s face.

“Oh, so…” She tried again.

“Dan, don’t worry. It’s fine. Now get out.” He turned back to his desk for the last time and nudged the door shut.

Dan lead Neil back past the weight room and around the gym to the nicer basketball locker rooms. Neither of them spoke most of the way there. Neil felt awkward and uncomfortable after what he’d said about her being captain. But that’s what everyone had been saying. The guys on his club team and the dads that gossiped at team barbecues. They were all saying that the reason why the team was so slim this year was because Wymack had appointed Dan captain. There were a few reasons why this upset people. For one thing, she’s a girl. Girls don’t usually play baseball, especially high school baseball. It’s not a co-ed sport. When Palmetto High School started to allow girls to join all of their sports teams, it was supposed to encourage more students to participate in after school activities that were actually legal. Everyone else thought they might be trying to make a statement about gender stereotypes and all that political stuff. Neil knew it wasn’t that deep. The other reason for the upset was that Dan was promoted to team captain after only a year on the team. There were a lot of upperclassmen guys that felt hurt by this.

The final and probably biggest reason was Dan’s reputation at PHS. Neil had overheard his teammates talking about her in the dugout at one of his club games last fall. The guys liked to call her “The Wild Girl.” From what Neil heard, Dan had dated some guy sophomore year that was a huge player. He cheated on her dozens of times and treated her like shit. But Dan was crazy about him. She gave up everything to be with him. When they finally broke up, it was really bad. The guy, whose name was never revealed to Neil, started spreading rumors about Dan cheating on him and being super wild and sex-crazed. On top of all of that, he’d also sent her private nude photos around school. Neil hadn’t heard what came of all of it, but he could imagine things hadn’t gone over well for Dan. This year, Dan was a senior. Her ex had graduated and she was team captain. Hopefully it was going to be a better year for her, and then some random kid came in and started accusing her of sabotaging her own team. Neil felt bad for being drawn into all the gossip, but despite what everyone else had said, he decided he liked Dan.

They reached the door of the locker room. It was orange with a white fox paw painted in the center. Dan unlocked the door and led him inside. The room was lined with orange lockers and had two old benches nailed to the floor in the center. Behind one wall was a row bathroom stalls and sinks. Behind the opposite wall was a communal shower. It smelled like socks.

“The guys have these six over here,” She motioned to a section of lockers in the corner. “Yours is number 10. Here’s the combination,” She handed him a slip of paper.

Neil tried the combination on the lock a few times before it finally took and opened. He set his gym bag on one of the benches and got the things he needed for practice before shoving it inside the locker.

Dan sat down on the bench next to his gear, “So, you play club?”

“Yep.” He replied.

“Which league?”

“Uh, Southeastern Youth in the fall most of the time. Carolina Little in the summers.” Neil expected her to look impressed. But she seemed more apprehensive. She chose her words carefully.

“That’s a lot of baseball.” She said.

Neil shrugged, “It’s my life. Has been forever.”

“I heard your dad got signed to play on a minor league team?”

Neil took a deep breath, “Yep, but he never played. He has me to thank for that.”

“And… what about your mom?” Dan was curious about him, he realized. As captain of the team, it was her job to know about her players. Neil didn’t mind her questions really, but he just didn’t like talking about his family or his life or even himself.

He never knew how to say this, so he just told the truth, “She’s dead.”

Apparently, Wymack hadn’t told her. He could tell by her reaction, “Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry-”  
“It’s fine.” Neil shrugged, “I’m ready. Let’s head out to the field.” They walked out the back door of the gym and headed across the parking lot towards the field. Neil had been there only a few hours ago, but his body started to relax as soon as he saw the field getting closer. There was a clump of athletes hanging around the home dugout. They were all dressed in varying colors of orange and white. From where he stood halfway across the parking lot, Neil could make out two heads of white blonde hair. His curiosity was starting to get the better of him.

He put his hand out to stop Dan, “Can I ask you something?”   
She turned to face him and put her hands on her hips, ready for anything, “Shoot.”

“What’s the deal with Andrew?” He blurted out. It had taken everything in him since that morning not to blatantly ask. But he thought it would definitely be better to know Andrew’s deal before he stepped on the field with him.

Dan looked surprised. She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again. She didn’t know how to answer, but eventually settled on, “What do you know already?”

Neil shrugged, “Just what was on his file. He’s a junior, catcher, abnormally short. He has a record or something. That’s it, I don’t know.”

Dan looked back at the field, “Look, that’s probably all you need to know. But… since I trust you more than I trust him, I’ll give you an abbreviated version of the story. If I told you the full thing we’d be here until next week. Basically, he’s been in and out of juvie his whole life and was on medication for a while freshman year. After they took him off the meds, everything just got worse. He got caught stealing cars last fall. Instead of sending him back to juvie, they sentenced him to weekly counseling and mandatory participation in after school activities. That’s why he’s on the team. Trust me, Neil, he’s not someone you really want to hang around with. If you leave him alone, he’ll leave you alone. Got it? This team doesn’t need you ending up in the hospital or something. We really need you, okay?”

Dan’s explanation made sense in a way, but Neil had questions. He knew Dan didn’t want to answer them right now by the look on her face. So he just nodded, “Okay.”

Dan started walking back towards the field. Neil hung back for a second trying to process everything she’d just said. He thought about what Wymack had called Andrew in his file.  _Lost cause_. There was definitely more to the story. You don’t just choose to be a juvenile delinquent. Or at least that’s what Neil thought. He couldn’t stop picturing Andrew standing across the field staring at him.

When he looked to see how far Dan had gone without him, she was almost to the field. For the thousandth time that day, he tried to stop thinking about Andrew and ran after Dan. They were the last two to reach the field. Dan ran up to Matt who was standing with two other girls. One was blonde and looked far too put together to be going to baseball practice. The other was understated and looked everyone in the eye when she talked to them. He spotted Nicky leaning against the fence with what looked like Andrew at first glance. But this Andrew seemed more annoyed with whatever Nicky was saying than the emotionless Andrew he’d faced earlier could be capable of. Neil assumed that this was Aaron, the other Minyard twin.  _The normal one_ , Matt had called him that morning. Neil stood on the outside of the two groups watching the interactions taking place in each one. Two people were missing. Two people that Neil didn’t really want to meet.

Dan circled back to Neil, followed by Matt and the other two girls.

“Neil, this is Matt-”

Matt interjected, “Yeah, we met already.” She looked at him quizzically, “We have Pre-Cal together with Mr. Ross.”

Dan nodded, “You’ve got Ross? He’s like the shittiest teacher at Palmetto.”

Neil shrugged, “I don’t think he even noticed I was new.”

The blonde girl chimed in, “Ahem… Aren’t you supposed to be introducing us?” She made a show of fluttering her eyelashes at Neil and poked Dan.

“Oh right. Neil, this is Allison and Renee. Two of our outfielders. Those jokers over there,” she gestured towards Nicky and Aaron, “are Nicky Hemmick and Aaron Minyard. Aaron’s usually centerfield and Nicky’s in the infield with you, me, and Matt. Where are Kevin and Andrew?” She asked Matt. He shrugged.

Wymack walked up next to Neil, a bag of balls in his hand.

“What the fuck are you all doing standing around here? And where the fuck are Kevin and Andrew?”

Nicky walked over to join them and replied, “They’re having private Andrew and Kevin time in the shed.”

Aaron punched Nicky’s side a little too hard, “Shut up. They went to get more balls.” This made Nicky laugh, “Shut the fuck up, Nicky. God, you’re so gross.”

“Idiots,” Wymack scoffed. “My team is full of idiots. You should’ve been running drills five minutes ago.”

Matt spoke up, “Coach, it like just turned 4 o’clock.”

“Enough of the back talk. Nicky, go get those two idiots. Everyone else, circle up on the field.”

They all made their way to the middle of the outfield.

“Enjoying yourself so far?” Matt asked Neil.

“That’s one way of putting it.” Neil stated.

When they were all circled up, Wymack gestured to Neil, “I’d like everyone to meet our new starting shortstop. This is Neil Josten. Neil, why don’t you introduce yourself?”

Neil shrugged, “Uhm, my name’s Neil. I’m a soph-I mean, I’m a junior. I play baseball. That’s pretty much it.”

Allison spoke up, “You seem fascinating, Neil.” Neil couldn’t tell if she was being sarcastic or not. Dan looked at her disapprovingly, “I’m sure you and Kevin will get along great.”

As if on queue, Nicky walked up to the circle with two people in tow behind him. Andrew looked blank as ever, his eyes immediately finding Neil’s. The look was somewhere in between a glare and a look of curiosity, Neil thought. But Neil wasn’t half as concerned with him as he was with the boy standing beside him. Kevin Day. Neil hadn’t seen him since a training camp in middle school. But he still remembered how it felt to be looked at by him with those critical eyes. It made him shiver. Kevin walked up to Neil as soon as he saw him. He scanned him, from the feet up. Neil knew what this was.

The first time he’d met Kevin he thought the boy acted more robotic than human. He wasn’t a person with thoughts and feelings, he was a machine trained to throw baseballs at 70 mph and strike out any one that came up to bat. Kevin and Neil had become easy friends during that training camp, but Neil knew it was only because he could keep up with Kevin. Still Neil was always felt two steps behind Kevin. And when he did make mistakes, Kevin’s glaring disapproval was enough to make him try harder. At times Neil was able to glimpse Kevin’s softer and more human side. Sometimes, during their travel team days, they would stay up late in their hotel room and talk about what they thought their mothers’ might have been like. Kevin had a better idea than Neil. His mother died when he was five, two years before Kevin became the most well known American baseball prodigy. Kevin told Neil once about what he could remember about his mother. Her smell, her touch, the lullabies she sang to him. Neil liked imagining it. But the overwhelming sense of envy of everything Kevin had made it hard for Neil to want to be friends with him. Now, face to face, Kevin was that familiar cold and machine-like facade. He was calculating, sizing Neil up.

The team had gone silent until Kevin finally spoke, “You haven’t grown.”

Neil almost laughed, “Guess height wasn’t in my genes.”

“Andrew said you’re fast. Faster than you were, I’m guessing.” So Andrew had seen him running the field earlier that day. For some reason Neil wasn’t surprised.

“I guess we’ll just have to see,” Neil challenged. He wasn’t going to back down from Kevin Day. As much as Neil wanted his approval, he knew too much about Kevin to really be afraid of him. He could still imagine Kevin when he was small and had dreams of being a lawyer, underneath his mechanical face that Kevin was still there.

“Don’t fuck this up,” Kevin finished.

Wymack rolled his eyes, “What a brilliant show of sportsmanship. Start stretching before I make you do laps until the sun sets.”

Neil barely spoke to his teammates during the rest of practice. He focused on the drills they ran and watching how his teammates worked. Their teamwork was definitely unconventional. Kevin liked to yell insults at anyone who made an error. Sometimes it fueled them to keep going, but it just made Aaron mad. Dan definitely was better at communicating. Nicky wasn’t the strongest player and Matt was surprisingly fast for his bodybuild. Andrew barely put any effort into practice. He caught what Kevin threw at him but didn’t go out of his way to reach outside of the box. And when they cycled through hitting, he never even picked up his bat. Kevin barely made eye contact with Neil after their first encounter. Neil started to feel that boyish sense of shame. Like the way he used to feel when his father watched his games and he struck out. Despite the group of ragtag players, Wymack ran them ragged. When practice was finally over, Neil was exhausted and couldn’t wait to take off his cleats.

He walked back to the locker room with the team, half listening to their conversations about their next game against the Rivercats and the girl in Allison’s Chem class who was definitely pregnant. The guys and girls separated when they reached the locker rooms. No one stopped to shower, the night was too late and they all needed to get home. Matt patted Neil on the back roughly as he left. Next to leave were Nicky and Aaron. Neil wasn’t even sure he’d even seen Kevin come back to the locker rooms with them. He turned to face the rest of the room and across from him stood Andrew. The look on his face hadn’t changed since the afternoon. Neil was getting tired of their staring contests.

“Hi.” He tried.

“Hi,” Andrew, surprisingly, answered.

Neil waited, and then, “Are you going to tell Coach I broke into the field during lunch?”

“Why do you think I care?”

“I don’t I just-”

“You just?” His eyebrow twitched.

Neil shrugged. “I won’t tell him you were smoking.”

“You can tell him whatever you want. See if I give a fuck.”

“Stop looking at me like that.” 

“Like what?” Andrew challenged. He walked closer to Neil, stepping over the bench until they were so close Neil could reach out and touch him. Andrew was short, but his affronting attitude made Neil feel small.

Neil cleared his throat, “You seem to like staring contests.”

“You seem to like running your mouth.”

“What do you want from me?” Neil finally asked. He didn’t understand Andrew’s face or the way he played baseball or the way everyone talked like they were afraid of him. Was he afraid of him too? No, definitely not. Curious? Maybe. Confused? Absolutely.

“Nothing.” Andrew shrugged.

“Can you back off then?” Neil tried.

Slowly, Andrew reached his hand up towards Neil’s collar. It hovered there for a second. Neil didn’t protest. He thought about that saying,  _Curiosity killed the cat_. Andrew hooked his finger in Neil’s collar and pulled it down to expose his collarbone and part of his right shoulder. The exposed skin was marked with the perfect outline of half a hot iron. Neil swallowed thickly. Neil couldn’t understand how Andrew had seen the scar he spent so much time hiding. Andrew saw right through him, that terrified Neil. Andrew considered the mark for a moment before shoving Neil away from him. He looked at Neil, eyes boring into Neil’s skull. Neil felt exposed, like all of his secrets were spelled out over his body in bright red ink.

Andrew said one word, “Ouch,” before turning away, leaving Neil alone in the locker room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one has taken me a while to get up… even thought it’s been written for some time– I’m really busy right now but I definitely want to stick with this story. AND I went to an actual baseball game this weekend! Gave me a little extra inspiration :)


	4. Chapter 4

The next couple of weeks Neil learned the routine of going to school. His dad dropped him off in front of the school every morning and picked him up at the same curb after practice every night. It was get up, go to his classes, eat, go to practice, try and put some effort into homework, go to sleep, and get up the next morning and repeat repeat repeat. His teammates tried to get Neil to engage in their weird dynamic. Nicky wanted to follow him on all of these social medias, some that Neil had never even heard of. Matt texted him every morning to say if he was or wasn’t going to be late to Pre-Cal. Dan would take him aside during practice to give him tips on certain drills he’d never done or dealing with Kevin. Kevin only spoke to Neil to yell at him for missing easy catches or throwing to first base when he  _obviously wasn’t going to get it thrown before Renee made it to base_. Sometimes Kevin’s criticism sounded too much like his own father. Neil was learning fast in practice, that’s what he was taught to do. Still, half of the time he felt annoyed by his team and the other half of the time he was thinking too much about punching Kevin in the face. Then there was Andrew.

Sometimes during practice, Andrew would give Neil a _look_. One of those looks that you’re supposed to understand without actually saying anything. Neil only got a few things from Andrew’s looks. Some of them were warnings, Andrew didn’t like it when Neil got frustrated with Kevin or threw snarky remarks at Aaron. Neil thought he had a protective streak, he just didn’t know why Kevin was a part of it. Most of his looks were apathetic glances, but sometimes Neil could’ve sworn he saw a hint of concern in the twitch of Andrew’s eyebrow. Neil couldn’t help but feel amused and intrigued by Andrew. He could tell he wasn’t concerned with all of the high school shit Nicky and Allison were constantly going on about. No matter what Dan said about Andrew, Neil didn’t think he was all bad.

There was still two things that confused him. He couldn’t understand how Andrew had known about his scar and why he never tried during practice. Being catcher, his apathy didn’t completely mess with the team. Especially since he never hesitated to respond to Kevin’s demands. But every time they ran through their hitting lineup, Andrew stayed sitting in the dugout kicking dust up with his feet and looking dully into space. He could tell that Andrew had a good arm when he threw and he obviously had the strength to catch the inhumanly fast pitches Kevin threw at him. So why Andrew refused to pick up a bat, Neil couldn’t wrap his head around. Neil had been sized up by every single one of his new team members that week, so he didn’t feel bad about sizing them up as well.

That was one of the times when he’d given him a look. Neil was coming back to the dugout after his run in the mesh batting cage set up outside of the field. Andrew was supposed to be up after Neil. But as usual, Andrew just sat there. Neil stood against the fence and tapped his bat on the bench where Andrew sat to get his attention.

“Your turn,” He stated.

Andrew looked at him. Face almost completely blank and unassuming. His eyes shifted to Neil’s shoulder for just a moment. A nanosecond almost unnoticed by Neil. But Neil noticed a lot of things most people missed. Maybe it was from years of tracking a baseball across a field. Maybe it was from years of careful practice identifying his father’s ever shifting moods. Neil didn’t really care. He didn’t know what the look meant, but he could imagine the worst. He locked eyes on Andrew, returning the look with one of his own. Andrew shrugged, picked up his glove and helmet, and walked out to where Kevin stood practicing his curveball.

That was the most they’d spoken since their encounter in the locker room. And Neil couldn’t stop thinking about it.

As Neil was walking into school on Friday morning, Nicky stopped him outside the gym doors, “Neil! I was hoping to catch you before practice. We’re having a movie night at Matt’s tonight after practice… you should definitely come! It’ll be a good way for us all to, you know, get to know you  _off_  the field.”

“That sounds like fun, but my dad and I do extra practice on Fridays.”

Nicky looked like Neil had said something incredibly scandalous, “More baseball? On a Friday night? That is tragic, Neil. Do you not understand how tragic that sounds?”

Neil shrugged. He was starting to learn that Nicky treated lots of everyday events like dramatic moments in time.

“If all you do is play baseball, what do you do for fun?”

Neil had never really thought of it before, “Well, training is fun. I like Spanish class.”

Nicky looked like Neil exhausted him, “No, no. I mean like, how do you loosen up and relax? I mean, Jesus, even Kevin gets drunk on the weekends.”

“Kevin likes to forget,” Neil stated.

Nicky ignored Neil’s comment, “Look, Neil. It’s the end of a long, long fucking week. You need to have some fun with your teammates. Tell your dad we’re all going to the batting cages together or something. Extra team practice, no parents allowed. Just please come. Andrew won’t like it if you don’t.”

“Wait, why would Andrew care if I come?” Nicky’s last comment had completely caught Neil off guard.

“Andrew likes getting to know his teammates. Interrogating people is like how he gets off or something. It’ll be a big disappointment if his new puzzle skips out on an opportunity to be analyzed. And trust me Neil, none of us like to see Andrew disappointed.” With that, Nicky turned on his heel and strutted off towards his first period class. Neil stood, stunned and speechless. The first bell rang and Neil came back down to earth. He pulled out his phone and texted Matt that he’d be late to class.

~

Lunchtime was still Neil’s least favorite time of day. Today, he wasn’t hungry and he wasn’t in the mood to go bug Wymack about their first game. Since the start of the week, Neil had figured out that Wymack would be in his office during his lunch period. Neil could pay him a visit just to ask a question about their first game or the other teams in their division or about Wymack’s time in the minor leagues. They would end up talking all the way through Neil’s lunch. After a few days of this, Neil was running out of excuses to go bother Wymack. On his way to his locker he passed the library. He had only been inside once during the week to get his student ID from the old, kind-looking librarian. She had permanent wrinkles on the side of her eyes that only happened to young people when they smile. Thinking about it made Neil’s stomach flip oddly. He thought maybe he could waste some time walking around pretending to look for a book. Anything was better than trying to look for somewhere to sit in the lunchroom.

The library was quiet, as was expected. There was a section of bookshelves along the wall next to the door and a few tables scattered about the room for studying. The librarian was sitting with a book behind the desk to the left of the entrance. She noticed Neil walk in and smiled at him. He grinned politely and moved towards the shelves of books. Neil didn’t really like to read, but he had never tried it for fun. He didn’t have time to when all of his free time was spent playing baseball or going to extra training camps.

He walked through a few aisles of books trying his best to look like he was there for a reason. On the other side of the shelves he noticed a small kid sitting at a table by himself. He had white blond hair, a book in his right hand and a chocolate bar in his left. Neil felt so shocked to see Andrew sitting there, by himself and completely normal-looking. If Neil didn’t know any better, he’d think the kid sitting in front of him was just an average high school student. But this was Andrew Minyard. Neil stood looking at him for a minute or two wondering why Andrew would spend his free time in the library.

And then, Andrew spoke without looking up from his book, “You’re staring.”

“Oh, sorry,” Neil coughed awkwardly.

“You’d probably have better luck with Nicky,” He stated matter-of-factly.

Neil didn’t understand, “What do you mean?”

“Because he thinks you’re hot or whatever. Nicky’s into your type, I guess. Like, cute without really knowing it.”

It took Neil a moment to understand, “What? Ohhhh… wait, no- I mean, I wasn’t-”

“Yeah, whatever.” Andrew seemed uninterested in whatever Neil stumbled to say.

Neil moved to sit on the other side of the table. He hesitated, unsure if Andrew wanted him to join him at the table, “Can I sit?”

He shrugged, “Do what you want.”

Neil sat down. He folded his hands together and waited for Andrew to say something. He didn’t. So Neil tried, “Earlier Nicky made it seem like you had an opinion about whether or not I should come to this party tonight.”

Andrew finally looked up, closing his book, “Is that why you came looking for me?”

Neil scoffed, “I didn’t come looking for you. Why are you in the library anyway?” 

“Everywhere else is too loud.”

“Doesn’t seem like your type of place.”

Andrew rolled his eyes, “Like you would know.”

“Why do you hate me so much?”

“Don’t take it personally, I hate everyone.”

Neil didn’t believe it, “You don’t hate Kevin.”

Andrew picked his book up again, “I especially hate Kevin.”

“But you play with him. You barely toss the ball to any of the rest of us, but not Kevin.”

“Is that all you think about? That dumb sport?”

Neil swallowed, “No.”

“Could’ve fooled me.” Andrew’s eyes hooked onto Neil’s and wouldn’t let go.

After a second, he said, “Should I come to the party tonight?”

“Why would I care?”

“I have sources that tell me you do.”

“One source. One unreliable source.”

They stared at each other. Each daring the other to turn away first. To break the silence. Andrew was a force, and Neil was stupid to think he could beat him.

“I’ll come. If I can get away.”

Andrew shrugged, “Don’t bother if it’s gonna get you burned.”

Everything in Neil tightened. He had almost forgotten. He was too afraid to ask. Too afraid to find out where he’d gone wrong and slipped up and let his scar show. If Andrew had seen the one, what else had he seen? Neil tried to forget about their encounter in the locker room since Andrew seemed uninterested in bringing it up again the next day. It wasn’t a line he really wanted to cross yet… or ever.

In the end, his curiosity got the better of him.

“How did you see it?”

He shoved his book in his backpack, “I didn’t.”

“Then how did you know?” Neil’s shoulder felt swollen in its socket.

Andrew thought about this for a moment, “You ran around the field eleven times. And you never stopped to catch your breath. Someone who runs like that isn’t running for fun, they’re running from something... or someone. During practice you kept tugging at the right side of your shirt collar. I took a guess, I was right. I’m very rarely wrong.”

Neil swallowed thickly. It was that easy. He was that transparent.

“Are you going to ask me if I’m okay?” Neil joked, dryly.

“No, I know you’re not.”

Neil rolled his eyes, “I’m fine. It’s not like I get hit. I’m not abused.” Andrew looked at him and raised an eyebrow. Neil wasn’t going to convince him of anything. But Andrew wasn’t really reacting in the way Neil feared he would. Andrew cared about Neil and his secrets just as much as he cared about baseball. But Andrew kept looking at him like he could see through him. Neil didn’t like that.

“What do you want me to say?” He tried.

Andrew shook his head slightly in response.

Neil sighed, “It was a long time ago.”

“Okay,” Andrew stood up and slung his backpack over his shoulder. He turned to walk away and Neil thought that their conversation was over until Andrew turned around and said again, “Don’t expect me to believe you.”

“Are you going to tell anyone?’ Neil blurted out.

“What’s with you and thinking I’m gonna rat on you all the time? I don’t tell other people’s secrets. I don’t know what Wilds or Wymack told you about me, and yeah I might be a little screwed up, but I’m not a gossip or a snitch.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t-”

“Yes, you did.”

From behind them, the librarian had put a finger to her lips, “Shhh.” Other students around the library were looking over at them, curious about what the new kid and the school troublemaker had to say to each other.

“Fine… whatever.” Neil accepted that this was as civil as Andrew was going to be. There was no use in trying anymore.

Andrew tugged at the strap of his backpack. It looked like he wanted to say something but wasn’t sure what would come of it. After a second of overthinking Andrew said, “Just come to Matt’s tonight, alright?” He waited for a response.

Neil took a deep breath, “Maybe.”

Andrew took that as a good enough answer and finally left. Neil sat in the library for a few minutes, even after the bell rang for his next class. He sat there trying to process all that had happened.

The spot on his shoulder where the scar was emblazoned in his skin tingled. His father was wasn’t an evil man. And he wasn’t cruel, not really. He was sad and angry at the past. Neil knew that it was his fault for all of Nathan’s unhappiness. Nathan had never blatantly denied what Neil assumed. That his mother’s death and his father’s failed career was Neil’s fault. Sometimes Neil could see it in his eyes. Like, when he struck out or missed an easy pass. It was a kind of disappointment mixed too well with anger and grief. There were times when Neil’s father became like someone else. On nights when he’d had too much to drink or after games when Neil had really screwed up, and that anger was taken out on Neil. Neil was good at gauging his father’s moods now. He hadn’t been the victim of his father for a few years, but the possibility always lingered in the back of his head. No matter the mistakes his father had made in the past, Neil couldn’t help but love him and want to please him. He couldn’t hate his own father, the man that sacrificed so much for Neil to have a chance at making it to the Majors. Neil wondered sometimes if that might be crazy, to love someone who hurt you. He wouldn’t be surprised if it was. If Andrew and anyone else would think Neil stupid for it. Neil thought about his father and the man that he was.

_Wesninski, Nathan. 34 years old. Widower. Neil Josten’s father. Baseball dad. Notes: Sad, angry, reckless when drunk/provoked._

Maybe Neil’s father was a lost cause too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I re-wrote this chapter like four times so I hope you like it :)

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic ever! i hope you like it :)


End file.
